Gestational surrogacy is when an embryo is "transferred" into me, meaning it is not my DNA at all, using IVF (InVitro Fertilization) where an egg cell is already fertilized by the sperm cell. I will be using a frozen embryo, but there is also a process for fresh embryos. Now with IVF multiples are more common, and part of that is because you can "transfer" more than 1 embryo at a time. As I go through this process I will be able to share a little more, but I wanted to explain this a little before I got into the meat and potatoes of this post...
So I left my last post off at our first meeting with the Surrogacy Center, which was in September of 2013. Not too much happened after that, but at the same time it was a very pivotal point for me. At our meeting we discussed selective reduction and abortion, which is not a light subject to say the least. There are so many opinions on this subject, and I am not going to argue with anyone about it. It is a very personal choice, and my choice is just that, mine. I will tell you right now I am not for it, and I hope that you respect me enough to respect my opinion, as I do yours. It is not something I take lightly at all, and I know it can be argued both ways. So with this decision came a point in the road where I really needed to consider what I was going to do. Let me break this down so you can understand where I was in my head...
I needed to go through all of the scenarios, because I wanted to be prepared, not surprised or stuck with a very difficult decision. Like I said, multiples are more common with IVF, so this is where selective reduction comes into the picture. Selective reduction is aborting 1 or more of the fetuses in a multifetal pregnancy. In my head I went through the thought of twins...I can handle that...triplets? quads?...now my heart is beating a little faster. I personally have seen the risks with triplets, and it terrifies me but I know the love that their parents and family have for them, too. Then there is the abortion side of a singleton. As I said before, not for it, but what if there is something wrong? On top of these decisions...this is not MY child. I am carrying someone else's child, their life is in my hands. (Side note: In the state of Wisconsin the surrogate has all the legal rights to the child until it is born)
So with all of these things going through my head, at once mind you, I talked with the Surrogacy Center about what to do next. I wanted to take some time to really think about what I wanted and what I would be okay with. As I talked with one of the ladies, something stuck with me. She said that I needed to be able to be comfortable with the choice I make, but I also need to understand that I am responsible for someone else's baby or babies. Intended parents want to be able to have a choice in their child's health, and so to be matched the Surrogacy Center would have to find a couple with the same views.
After I e-mailed with the Surrogacy Center a couple of times I decided I needed to take a few weeks before we took the next step. This was a huge bump in the road that had not crossed my mind before our meeting. I had to put myself in the IP's(Intended Parent) shoes. What if Eric and I were the IP's and our surrogate said, "No I won't carry multiples or a baby that has Down's"? How would that make me feel? Would I want to work with someone like that? So I took some time, really thought and prayed about what I should do. I was learning about myself, and figuring out what selfless truly is...and after all was said and done..I knew if I was going to do this, it would have to be with people that have the same values and ethics as I do. However, I had also decided that I needed to be more open with what the IP's are going through. Talk about a heavy load on my mind, but it felt great to really work through it and know I was making the right choice. So that was a really heavy topic, and probably the heaviest we have gone through thus far. I said I was going to write about the good, the bad, and ugly though...
Now we are into November. I was glad it was time to take another step closer, but I had no idea what to expect! It was time for the psychiatric evaluation...oh boy! Eric and I had to go to Madison to meet with a psychiatrist that would interview both of us and give us a personality assessment inventory. It was 350 questions, and it took awhile to say the least. She asked us about our childhoods, our families, our marriage, our jobs, and why we were there and how we felt about everything. We also talked about the whole abortion and selective reduction decision, which made me feel even better about it, and how to talk with our children about this journey. She encouraged us to be open with those around us about our journey, and why it was important to do so. Think about it...I am 9 months pregnant, going through my life like normal and then I have the baby. Neighbors, co-workers, friends, and families have watched my body change and definitely grow, and then there is no baby? Can you imagine the rumors?! No thanks! So needless to say it was a very long, but VERY informative meeting, mainly for us. It made us think about certain situations that will come up, and how to handle them. As they come up I will share, but it's hard to put it all in right now.
I felt good leaving that meeting, but now we had to wait. Wait to hear if we "passed" the inventory assessment, and wait to hear if we are officially excepted into the Surrogacy Center's program. I was just thankful we had the holidays to keep us distracted because we ended up not hearing until after the new year, but it was great news all around! We got the official word in the middle of January that we were available to be matched with IP's!!
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